Things I Have Learned in My First 4 Days in Texas

1. It’s Freakin’ Hot.

Even by Texas standards, Austin is having a hot summer, with a record breaking 51 days over 100F so far (that’s roughly 38C). Those numbers don’t seem to reflect what the temperature actually feels like with the humidity factored in. And boy howdy, there is humidity. Apparently we will be enjoying this kind of weather until October, when it cools down… slightly.

I can expect my person and all of my possessions to be coated in a slimy, lint- and dust-attracting film of SPF for the next two years.

2. Everything is Bigger in Texas.

This is absolutely true, and it is both a good thing and a bad thing. My first experience at a Target Supercenter was both awe-inspiring and harrowingly frightening (much like the machine in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that shows you how small you are in relation to the rest of the universe. A person with a lesser ego would have been shattered, I was merely deeply, deeply shaken).

Distances are much different (read: bigger) here. As a former Vancouverite, I’m used to being able to walk everywhere. I’m also used to thinking in short blocks and in kilometers, so when I see on mapquest that something is 4 miles away, or 4 blocks away, my first reaction is “sweet, that’s close by!” Nope. It ain’t.

3. Southern Hospitality is Alive and Well.

People are so incredibly friendly! I know the stereotype is that Canadians are very polite, nice people, but honestly, we are a bunch of cold prick bastards compared to Americans in the south! People are outgoing, generous, and genuinely want to help! I have resisted the urge to ask anyone for a kidney, but I’m sure if I did…

4. Being an International Student both Sucks and Rocks.

Sucks: Everyone assumes you have Tuberculosis and don’t speak English.

Rocks: Everyone assumes you have Tuberculosis, don’t speak English, and can’t find your ass from a hole in the ground in Austin. So there are many helpful handouts on everything from taking the bus, places to eat, getting to the nearest Target, and “How to Converse With Americans” (apparently, Yanks don’t like argumentative conversation, stalking as an aggressive form of courtship, or being touched).

Seriously, the International Student & Scholar Services here are A-MAZING. So incredibly helpful and informative, that even if I was from Texas, I would go to their sessions just for the helpful hints.

LONGHORN FACT OF THE DAY: It is a felony to impersonate, or allow yourself to be assumed to be an American. As a foreigner, you MUST declare your nationality and status at all times.

I am having a T-shirt made.

5. Southern Accents are Charming -- and Contagious

The drawl is delightful, y’all… but I’m starting to think with a twang. As a Canadian, I’m super conscious of my own accent, and paranoid of painful “oots” and “aboots”… but so far, everyone I’ve met thinks I’m American… people keep asking if I’m from Montana, so apparently I sound like a Montanan. Montanainian?

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. I AM A CANADIAN ON A STUDENT VISA.